The Goings On of a Cowardly Prince
by EchoRose480
Summary: A shameless one shot about Arthur's arachnophobia, and how Merlin comes to the rescue. NO slash!


Merlin came bursting into Arthur's chambers, late again. He immediately doubled over his knees and began drawing in deep, heaving breaths. He opened his mouth to stammer out an insincere apology for his tardiness, but was beat to it by Arthur's voice. Which, at first startled, morphed into deadly serious.

"Merlin!" a pregnant pause, "Merlin…listen to me carefully. Whatever you do, don't. Look. Up,"

Merlin froze in his bent over position, and spoke without raising his head,

"May I ask why not?" Against his will, he began to lift his eyes, but Arthur quickly interceded,

"No! No, you may not. Now, I am only going to say this once: back away very slowly and - don't you dare look up! Merlin, stop!"

Merlin halted in his tracks and stumbled backward onto his behind, raising his arms over his head protectively,

"Don't let it eat me!"

"You're fine! You're fine. You will be if you just. Hold. Still. Now, I need you to do something for me on the count of three. Merlin, are you listening?"

Merlin's voice was shaky.

"Yes. But what the hell is going on?!"

"Just trust me, Merlin. Okay, follow these steps exactly…keep your eyes covered, and stand up…slowly, darn it! Okay, there, there, that's good. Now, take one step to your left, that's it, and…Merlin! I told you not to _look_!"

Merlin's eyes shot wide open in fear, but quickly drooped as he came face to face with…a spider. A bloody _spider_? He carelessly swatted it away, and looked at his prince, torn between a laugh and a glare.

Arthur wasn't returning the gaze, though. His eyes, wide as dinner plates, were glued to the stationary arachnid splayed out on the stone floor.

"Merlin, kill it. Kill it, or I kill you," the rough-tough-save-the-world kind of prince said in all his regality. Merlin snorted, and then promptly fell into a fit of laughter.

"The Once and Future King, right here!" he gestured from his place rolling on the ground, then struggled to a standing position. He points at Arthur's sheathed sword, who the owner of which was trying to set Merlin's hair on fire with his face,

"You kill it! Free your castle from this reign of terror!" he shouted. If looks could kill, the one Arthur sent Merlin's way would have incinerated not only him, but anyone else a days ride from the point of impact.

"I would," he said in a carefully controlled voice, as if he could somehow preserve a bit of the dignity he would lose with his next words, "But my legs seem to be unresponsive. Now, _step on it_!"

Merlin's eyes lit up with mischief,

"I see, should I go get a remedy for that?" he nodded to himself, "Yes, don't want you to be lame, now do we…" he spun on his heel and strode out the door, calling over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a few hours. Hang tight!"

Arthur watched him go with an air of incredulity, and then terror. He called out,

"Merlin?...Merlin!..._Merlin_!" he waited a few seconds, and when he spoke next, he was unable to keep his voice from cracking, "This is treason!"

Slowly, slowly, his gaze fell towards the floor, every muscle in his body tensed like a ready chord.

His eyes settled on the spider, and a few moments passed. Then, the spider made a small, almost imperceptible twitch in Arthur's direction.

Arthur's scream could be heard echoing through the palace corridors and out into the city.

Suddenly, Merlin came storming back into the room, and he bent down to pick up the spider.

"Next time you call me a girl, sire, remember this day," the man said as he brought the offending creature underneath his nose, "Ooh, it's the flesh eating kind,"

Arthur let out an involuntary whimper as he scrambled backward a few steps. Realizing what he'd just done, he quickly composed himself and tugged the ends of his shirt in a lofty manner,

"Thank you, Merlin, for your assistance. Now, if you would kindly…" he waved his hand in a vague manner. Merlin caught the meaning and chuckled as he strolled over to the window, leaned out and gently set the spider on the stone wall of the castle outside. He trotted back over to Arthur with a grin that spread from ear to ear,

"I'm touched, Arthur," he said.

Arthur's eyes narrowed dramatically, and he folded his arms across his chest, as if gathering up what little was left of his reputation,

"Get out," he growled in a deadly voice. But as Merlin started to leave, he stepped forward and grabbed his manservant's bicep, whispering fiercely in his ear,

"Speak of this to anyone, and I will ensure that your blabbering tongue is…removed,"

Merlin tried and failed to keep a straight face,

"My lips are sealed, your highness," he pulled himself from Arthur's grasp and bowed lowly. As he began sauntering out of the room, he stopped in the doorway and said over his shoulder,

"Though, your trusted knights don't count, right? After all, they need to be on the lookout for more of those terrifying beasts," he pulled a thoughtful expression, "And it would be best to warn your queen, as well…"

"MERLIN!"

Merlin laughed and quickly scampered out of the room, in a much better mood than when he had entered.

...

Credit for the voice of Merlin goes to the wonderfully talented DriftingCloudz. I was Arthur. :D Had a totally fun time with you, my friend!


End file.
